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п»ї<title>Talk about what hurts so that it hurts less.</title>
.It is necessary to talk about what hurts so that the wound hurts less. But..., of course, when it comes to doing so, not just anyone will do. Beyond what we may believe, not everyone close to us is able to listen without judging, to make silence and words a valuable refuge. Emotional support is a finely honed skill that, in addition to time and patience, requires skill and tact.
Let's face it, if it is already complicated to give voice to our inner tangles of suffering, it is even more complicated to dare to talk to someone about what is happening to us. Virgina Woolf, with an emotional universe as remarkable as the one reflected in her works, published an interesting essay on psychological suffering entitled On Being Ill.
In this work, he lamented the scarcity of words that exist in our languages, whatever they may be, to be able to apply more precision to what we want to say. What hurts is polyhedral, abysmal, it has edges, it is deformed, it has all shades of gray and black and we do not always know how to express such emotional complexity. And yet, we must do it.
To give voice and discourse to what hurts is to exorcise many of those long-held inner demons. It is to sanitize the mind and heart to make room for new, healthy and vital things. However, it is necessary to untangle and release those universes of pain with the right people. Choosing them is also a skill.
"Silent pain is the most devastating."
-Jean-Baptiste Racine
Talk about what hurts to live betterThere are many types of pain. Some go away with a painkiller; others with a good night's sleep. Broken bones eventually heal and burns, even if they leave scars, also heal. However, psychological suffering cannot be seen in an X-ray, nor is it definitively relieved by a drug. This type of pain needs to be expressed, reasoned with and confronted in order to initiate a slow process of recovery.
Pain needs words to heal. It is necessary to talk about what hurts in order to live better, but it is not always easy to establish this dialogue from which to release the discomfort little by little. Thus, something that psychologists often see in their clinical practice is that many people have become accustomed not only to not talking about what worries or torments them. We live in a society where we have been convinced that if life hits you three times you get up four times. We have been taught that if you fall, you have to get up quickly to appear strong.
In other words, we not only show a certain emotional incompetence when it comes to expressing and communicating what worries, hurts, torments or takes our breath away. We have been taught not to give space or voice to pain or grief. It is something to hide, to push aside to show normalcy no matter how broken we are inside.
Make space, take a deep breath and pause for as long as it takesSometimes it happens. Some people are especially adept at being each other's best friend, that always-accessible family member, that ideal co-worker. However, to themselves they are often their own worst enemy. The reason? Because he neglects himself, doesn't listen to himself and blames himself for every mistake or show of weakness.
Acting on autopilot has its costs and even more so if we have been dragging some stress, some negative experiences and that discomfort that haunts us like sharks. It is necessary to stop, take a deep breath and analyze from the observer's point of view, collect data, without judging. Knowing when it is necessary to talk to someone about what hurts, what weighs us down or what has happened to us is the key to health and well-being.
Talk about what hurts with empathetic people who know how to listenLogan Nordgren, a doctor of social psychology at the University of Toronto, conducted a study in which he analyzed how people act in the face of other people's social pain. The data were significant: we tend to underestimate it.
It was found, for example, that teachers were not always able to detect, identify or intervene in bullying situations. In this sense, if what young people perceive is indifference in adults, it will be very difficult for the latter to speak up, to communicate what they are experiencing.
The same thing happens in our daily lives. Not everyone is accessible, no matter how close we are to them. Sometimes, the family itself is not exactly the best reference when it comes to unburdening ourselves. To talk about what hurts, we need people who are empathetic and skilled in the art of listening.
ConclusionLet's be clear, when we go through a bad moment we do not always need advice or pats on the back. What the sufferer often expects is to feel understood, to perceive that the other person is in common with the fight he/she is fighting.
Hearing from the other "I understand what you are saying, I am sorry, I support you and I am with you for whatever you need", acts as a real medicine. What's more, these phrases are, on many occasions, the bridge that allows us to access truly deeper levels of understanding.
Let's not hesitate to turn to that friend who knows how to be there. Nor should we neglect the professionals who are prepared to go where friends or family cannot.
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